About This Love Online

What are you keeping from me?

In today’s discussion, inspired by our podcast episode 24, “What are you keeping from me?”, we delve into a crucial aspect of many relationships: trust issues. We explore the contentious question of whether spouses should go through each other’s cell phones and examine the broader implications of transparency in relationships.

One of the questions we often hear is, “Is it cool for your spouse to go through your cell phone?” Our take is straightforward—our lives are open books. I don’t have anything inappropriate or secretive on my phone, so why should it matter if my spouse looks through it? The same goes for finances; knowing each other’s income should be a non-issue if there’s trust.

The Cultural Norm:
Even with all of the “behind-the-scenes” viral videos of couples, societal norms often portray a lack of transparency. Memes and jokes about sneaky phone checks highlight the trust issues many people face. We’ve all seen the videos of someone using face recognition to unlock a phone while their partner is asleep, or the panic of realizing a phone was left unlocked while they’re in another room. These scenarios reflect deeper trust issues.

Before Dale and I met, I feared fully committing to a relationship without absolute trust. Maybe because I hadn’t experienced what commitment meant in a martial relationship before or maybe there weren’t many examples to look up to. This fear led to thoughts of maintaining separate living arrangements even in marriage, a clear indicator of trust issues. It’s essential to address these fears directly rather than let them fester.

The Impact of Secrecy:
People often hide things, whether texts from an ex, secret apps, or financial habits like gambling. When someone is secretive, it usually means they’re hiding something. Dale shared how some people use apps to hide sensitive information, not necessarily for malicious reasons but to protect personal data. However, the intent behind secrecy is crucial.

For us, transparency is key. We have access to each other’s phones without hesitancy in our hearts. This level of openness is foreign to many, but it works for us. We believe that a lack of secrets fosters a healthy relationship. Surprises should be limited to gifts and planned trips, not hidden aspects of our lives

Addressing Trust Issues:
If someone is secretive about their phone or income, it signals a deeper issue. Trust is foundational, and if you can’t trust your partner with these aspects, it can raise the question: why are you with them? Walking through the murky waters of communication and mutual trust can become a non-negotiable for a couples striving to have a healthy relationship.

A couples faith or lack thereof plays a role in how maintaining trust and accountability can be achieved. Checking in with God and each other helps address any underlying issues. And yes, we know that check-ins are easier said than done when emotions are high. No one is perfect, and even people of faith can struggle with trust. Yet, it’s crucial to remain vigilant and prayerful.

“Be always on the watch, and pray that you may be able to escape all that is about to happen, and that you may be able to stand before the Son of Man.” Luke 21:36 NIV

Critical Thinking in Relationships:
Asking the right questions and understanding each other’s values and beliefs are essential. Many people rush into relationships without considering the deeper implications, leading to trust issues later on.

Transparency and open communication are the cornerstones of a trusting relationship. Whether it’s about going through your spouses phone or knowing each other’s income, being open and honest with your partner is vital. If trust issues persist, it’s essential to address them head-on and seek a resolution, practicing open and honest communication. After all, love without responsibility is not truly love.

We pray this discussion helps you identify and navigate potential trust issues in your relationships.