About This Love Online

Since my desire to be married to now having soul searching conversations with my wife, the Lord has allowed me to experience deeper moments that have opened my eyes to truths about marriage, love, and sacrifice. This isn’t just about me or my marriage—it’s about a perspective that can be life-changing for anyone who’s willing to really lean in and let God reshape how we see relationships, commitment, and true love.

Marriage Is About More Than Just “Happily Ever After”

First things first: I think we’ve all been sold a false narrative when it comes to marriage. We grow up watching Hollywood movies where everything is picture-perfect—the passionate kiss, the romantic gestures, and of course, the “happy endings”. But the reality of marriage can be much different. It’s not about perfection; it’s about the process.

My wife and I have been through our fair share of ups and downs. There have been moments when I’ve thought, “What if I just walked away?” and I’m sure she’s had those thoughts too. In the heat of frustration, when you’re caught up in the emotions of an argument or a difficult season, it’s easy to entertain the idea of just throwing in the towel. But I’ve learned something powerful: even in those moments, we need to take a step back and ask ourselves, “What would I be giving up?”

In those moments, I’ve had to remind myself of the bigger picture—the spiritual and emotional impact of my choices. If I walked away, I’d not only be leaving my wife, but I’d be stepping away from the role of father, provider, protector, and spiritual leader that God has called me to. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it.

Long-Suffering: A Love That Endures

When I look at the struggles we’ve faced together, one of the key lessons God has been teaching me over the years is the importance of long-suffering. This concept is not one we love to hear about, but it’s an essential part of what true love looks like. It’s the part of love that doesn’t just quit when things get tough.

1 Corinthians 13 tells us that love is patient, kind, and enduring. Love doesn’t just feel good in the moments of joy—it stands firm when times are hard. We are called to love long and hard, even when our emotions or circumstances tell us to run.

I’ve found that this kind of love isn’t natural for us. As humans, we don’t like to suffer. We want things to be easy, quick, and painless. But true love doesn’t operate like that. It requires sacrifice. It means choosing to love, even when you’re tired, even when you’re frustrated, and even when it feels like things won’t get better.

Laying Down Your Life: What Does That Really Mean?

The idea of laying down your life for your spouse is often misunderstood. Some people think it means putting up with anything—tolerating wretched behavior, ignoring mistakes, or staying silent when things go wrong. But that’s not what it means at all.

To lay down your life for your spouse means to give of yourself selflessly, but in a way that doesn’t enable unhealthy behavior. It’s about being gracious and humble, willing to serve and sacrifice, but not tolerating sin or abuse. I’ve come to realize that laying down your life means offering yourself fully to the relationship, even when it’s uncomfortable.

My wife and I have heart to heart conversations about how our marriage has exposed a lot of my weaknesses—my selfishness, my immaturity, and my pride. But I’ve also learned that it’s through these challenges that God reveals the areas in my life that need to be surrendered.

It’s a process. And I can tell you, I’m still learning.

The Power of Communication and Grace

One thing I’ve learned over the years is the power of communication and grace. Early in our marriage, I used to get frustrated when my wife was sarcastic or when she didn’t respond the way I expected. I would internalize it and get upset, but never really communicate how it made me feel. Instead of addressing it head-on, I’d let it build up until it became an issue. But over time, I realized how important it is to speak up—gently and respectfully—when something bothers you.

I’ve learned that when we communicate openly and with grace, we allow space for each other to grow. This isn’t about keeping score or fighting for who’s right or wrong. It’s about supporting each other and understanding that, just like us, our spouses are also walking through their own journey of growth and change.

In marriage, it’s easy to fall into the trap of “tit for tat”—holding grudges, bringing up past mistakes, and pointing fingers. But I’ve learned that true love doesn’t work that way. Love chooses to let things roll off your back and moves forward in peace.

Divorce Is Not an Option

I’ve mentioned this before, but I want to say it again—divorce is not an option for me. We’ve both agreed that no matter how difficult things may get, we’re committed to making it work. Does that mean we don’t have bad days? No. But it does mean we’ve made a decision to fight for our marriage every day, even when it feels like it’s easier to walk away.

I’ve heard people say, “Well, if she doesn’t meet my needs, I’ll just go somewhere else.” Or, “If he doesn’t do X, I’ll do Y.” But I’ve come to believe that we live in a culture where commitment is undervalued, and convenience often trumps sacrifice. But if we are truly committed to loving like Christ, we need to learn what it means to sacrifice for our spouse.

Jesus laid down His life for us, not because we deserved it, but because He chose to. This is the model we are called to follow in our marriages—not as perfect people, but as people committed to becoming more like Christ every day.

Love That Transforms

I’m not claiming to have it all figured out, but I do know that the love God calls us to in marriage is not just about feeling good in the moment—it’s about choosing to serve, sacrifice, and grow together. True love is a choice, and it requires us to die to ourselves daily. But when we do that, we reflect the love of God in a powerful way.

So, for anyone out there struggling in their marriage or relationship, I want to encourage you today. Keep pressing forward. Keep choosing love, even when it’s hard. Lean into God’s grace and trust that He will guide you through the challenges. And remember, your love can be a powerful testimony of God’s transformative power in our lives.

Thank you for reading. I’d love to hear your thoughts or experiences. Feel free to share them in the comments below.

For more insight on this topic check out my full podcast discussion on the About This Love podcast on your preferred podcast streaming app!