About This Love Online

What’s up people?!

Our most recent podcast episode was inspired by something we’ve both been thinking about lately: Why do people get married—and more importantly, why do they stay married? Is it for love? Duty? Or financial reasons? Let’s talk about it.

Why do people stay married?

In a not so recent Facebook poll, we invited our followers to anonymously share possibly their reasoning for staying married. The options presented were:

For love?

For duty?

For financial reasons?

Or… the financial come up?

The responses sparked a great conversation between my wife and I that we had to bring to the mic in episode 72 titled, “Why Do People Stay Married?”.

Marriage as Duty: A Different Perspective

What really got us thinking about why some may choose to stay married was a viral video by YouTube star Megan Moon. She’s an American woman married to a Korean man, who shared how marriage is viewed differently in Korean culture. Her take?

“Marriage is Duty.”

That hit us. Moon goes on to express in the short audio clip we shared how in Western culture, marriage is portrayed as this Disney-style fairytale—rose petals, grand gestures, and hot romance. But in many other parts of the world, marriage is seen more as responsibility, obligation, and teamwork. What we gathered from her thoughts is that romantic love can and should be present in a couple’s marriage, but it’s not the whole picture.

Megan’s perspective echoed the same sentiment I once heard from a woman married for over 30 years who shared about how young people today don’t realize marriage is more about responsibility than romance.

Whew. That stuck with me.

Real Talk: Romance Is Great, But It’s Not Everything

Let’s be clear—romance is beautiful. We love showing love to each other. But when romance fades (as it sometimes does), duty/commitment is what carries the load of the relationship. During this week’s podcast conversation, Charel brought attention to the reality of social media’s ideas of romance: when the proposal isn’t IG-worthy, or the anniversary trip isn’t in Bali, does that mean the love you have with your person isn’t real?

For example, our proposal was simple and private. No balloons. No band. No audience. Just us. And that seemingly “small” intimate moment meant the world at the time to my now wife. That moment was romantic because it was sincere—not because it went viral.

When Life Gets Real… and Kids Enter the Chat

Marriage alone takes work. But throw kids into the mix? A whole new level of workmanship is required.

Some words of wisdom I received pre-marriage from a respected father figure of mine, still pops up in my mind when I think about married life with children:

“Marriage is hard enough by itself. Add kids, and your time and energy can shift away from your spouse if you’re not intentional.”

Throughout our pre-marital counseling I was reminded how easy it is to get caught up in parenting and forget to check in with each other. You’re not mad, you’re just tired. You’re not distant, you’re distracted. Before you know it, your relationship takes the back seat. And just like that you and your spouse have become certified roommates.

Redefining Romance: It’s in the Everyday

It’s like my wife, Charel, says, “Romance doesn’t have to be extravagant.”. Charel recalled a spa day I planned for one of our anniversary getaways. She felt as though it was simple, yet intentional, and full of love. No private jet needed.

While being millennials we document and share the new and exciting moments we’ve experienced together—not solely for the ‘gram—but so we can look back and remind ourselves:

“Yeah, we’re doing this life together. We’ve been in this marriage together. And look how we’ve grown together.”

From our findings we concluded that marriage can be a mix of love, duty, sacrifice, and intention. It’s not all candlelight evening by the pool and Caribbean getaways for the average couple with children. Sometimes it’s piles of laundry, diaper duty, and walking through hard conversations. But when you choose to love each other through everything, you create space for that love to deepen and grow.

So what do YOU think?
Why do people stay married today? Let us know on our socials, and don’t forget to join the next poll on Facebook.

Until next time,
Peace