To mark our fourth year of marriage we sat down to reflect, and share some lessons we’ve learned along the way.
Now, before you think we’re about to drag you on a trip down memory lane—nah, not today. Instead, we want to talk about the real stuff: the lessons, the advice we’ve received from others (and actually followed), and the things we wish we had known before saying “I do.”
The Wedding Day vs. The Marriage
We got married in February 2017. Funny thing is, we almost chose Valentine’s Day for our wedding date, but logistically it didn’t make sense it would have fallen on a weekday—people had work, and we wanted as many loved ones as possible to celebrate with us.
And let’s be real—weddings are expensive. The moment you say wedding, the price of everything doubles. Per plate, per person, per thought. Planning our day made us reassess what we value when it comes to our marriage. Because the truth is, why invest in a lavish reception when the money could be going toward building your actual life together?
That perspective carried over into marriage, too. The wedding is one day, but the marriage is for life. And trust us, it costs way more—emotionally, spiritually, and sometimes financially—to build a strong marriage than it does to throw a big party.
Lessons on Trust
One of the topics that always sparks conversation is trust. I posted online recently asking couples: Do you and your spouse have the freedom to go through each other’s phones? The responses were what you’d expect—“if you trust me, you shouldn’t need to.”
But here’s our take: real trust isn’t about restricting access, it’s about not having anything to hide in the first place. In our marriage, we’ve always had the understanding that our lives are open books. If Charel picks up my phone, I’m not snatching it back like I’ve got something to cover up.
We’ve learned that secrecy—even in small things—can open the door for bigger problems. Something as “harmless” as deleting messages can snowball into mistrust. For us, transparency has been a safeguard, not a burden.
The Value of Mentorship
We’re also grateful for the couples who came before us—our mentors, spiritual leaders, and examples we’ve watched over the years. Just like we honor civil rights leaders for paving the way, we honor those who’ve gone ahead of us in marriage. Their lessons mean we don’t have to struggle as long or as hard in certain areas.
Because the truth is: marriage is work. But when you learn from others, and use wisdom to apply the guidance you’ve been given, the road gets a little bit smoother.
After Four Years In
So here we are, four years down and heading into year five. Marriage has stretched us, refined us, and taught us more about sacrifice and love than we could’ve imagined.
To anyone on this journey: don’t just focus on the wedding day. Prepare for the marriage. Build trust. Learn from others. And remember, it’s not about perfection, but about commitment—choosing each other daily.
Happy anniversary to us, and cheers to many more years of love, lessons, and growth. 💕
Until next time,
The Skinners!
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