Can you believe it? We’re diving into another chat, and this one feels super important—it’s all about setting boundaries. Seriously, this topic has been on my mind, especially as I look back at my own life and how things have changed.
First off, I just gotta say thank you for tuning into the podcast last week and for all the love on Facebook and Instagram—it genuinely helps push “About This Love” forward! You can always find us and keep the conversation going:
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So, Is Your Life Out of Order?
I’m an inquisitive person by nature; my college professor even told me it was a great quality! So, I always like to start with a couple of questions that make you think—and please, drop your answers and thoughts in the comments, because we like to keep these types of life changing conversations going!
The main question I ask myself (and I’m asking you, too) is: Is your life out of order in some areas?
Think about it. Are you:
- Spending too much money?
- Wasting too much time watching TV or playing video games?
- Spending time with people who aren’t really making your life better?
If the answer to any of those is yes, then my next question is simple: Do you need to set boundaries?
If your life feels a little out of balance, the clear answer is probably yes. For me, for example, if I’m spending six hours a day playing video games, I should probably set a time boundary—maybe I’ll play from 4:00 PM to 5:30 PM. Just a simple, realistic thing to keep my time from getting completely eaten up.
The Purpose of Boundaries (It’s About Order!)
What are the results of setting boundaries?
The number one result is that boundaries help you accomplish your goals, whether that’s saving money or not wasting three hours a day watching TV.
Really, the main purpose of a boundary is to put things into order. We actually live with boundaries all the time, even if we don’t realize it! When you’re driving to the store, that speed limit is a boundary set by the city or state to keep order and prevent accidents. It’s to protect people—kids playing, dog walkers, everyone. The same goes for your job: if your shift is 8:00 AM to 6:00 PM, that’s a boundary. If you come in past that, you’re late!
Boundaries are good, but sometimes when we fail to set them, there can be consequences. And I don’t mean negative ones only—consequences can yield both a positive and a negative outcome. It’s just what follows your actions.
Making Others Respect Your Boundaries
This is a tough one, right? How do I make others respect my boundaries?
Honestly, I think this is an individual thing, but it always starts with you communicating it clearly.
I’ve got a couple of personal stories where this repeatedly came up:
My Gaming Time
When I first got married, I was used to being a single man who’d come home and spend hours upon hours playing video games. My wife was not cool with that. And she was right for feeling the way that she did! When you’re married and have children in tow, spending two hours every night playing a game is not productive—that’s time I could be spending with my family.
We had to set a boundary: I had to reduce my gaming time to be more present. It was a needed boundary for our marriage and family life.
The Power of Not Talking While Heated
Early in my marriage, my wife and I would get into heated disagreements that would become verbally abusive (just verbally, we’re constantly hitting below the belt with our words). We met with an older, married couple, and they gave us some brilliant advice:
“When you guys are having heated discussions, set a boundary that when both of you are upset and heated, you do not talk about the issue.”
It’s a simple rule: if our blood is boiling, we wait. We postpone the discussion until we both calm down—a couple of hours later, or even the next day. Why? Because nothing productive comes out of a conversation when you’re both angry. It only leads to saying things you regret and injuring your spouse even more. Had we implemented this boundary sooner in our relationship this limitation would have saved us so much more grief!
Respecting My Home
This is a simple one, but it’s huge for me. I tell people: “When you come inside of my home, please take your shoes off.” That’s the boundary.
Why? Because me and my son wrestle and play on the floor. I don’t want someone walking in, tracking in all the germs, dog poop, gum, or whatever is outside, onto the carpet where my small children hang out. Most people respect it, but if they don’t, I understand—but I probably won’t be inviting them over again if they are set on disrespecting the boundary.
Money Management in Marriage
When you get married, money conversations change, especially if you’re used to being single and just buying whatever you want. One of the financial boundaries my wife and I set is that we don’t spend over $100 on anything personal (like a new pair of shoes, clothes, or a game) without discussing it first. Bills, food, tissue—that’s fine. But anything extra, we talk about, just to keep our finances in order.
From limiting gaming time to making a rule about shoes in the house to knowing when to pause a heated argument—I hope my personal journey with setting boundaries helps you reflect on your own life. Remember, establishing boundaries isn’t about being rigid or mean; it’s about being respectful of your time, your peace, and bringing order to your future. They are the necessary structure that allows for genuine growth and healthy relationships. Start small, be clear about your expectations with others, and don’t apologize for putting your life in order. You deserve to live a life that feels safe and orderly for those around you and especially yourself, and boundaries are the first step to building it.
Your Perspective Matters!
The heart behind this About This Love Online and About This Love Podcast is simply to encourage people. My wife and I constantly say, “I wish I had someone to tell me that when I was younger,” and that’s the core of what we do here.
I hope these examples help put things into perspective. It’s just our opinion and experience, but I truly believe that setting boundaries—whether about time, money, or how others treat you—is essential for a balanced and productive life.
So, tell me, friend: What’s one boundary you’ve set recently that has made a life-changing difference in your life? We love to hear it!
To hear this conversation in it’s fullness please tune into the About This Love podcast episode 16
Want to set boundaries in your dating life? Join us virtually at our upcoming event!
While in Waiting: Intentional Dating That Leads To Marriage.
We will offer practical, honest, and inspiring conversations designed to help you build a strong foundation, deepen commitment, and foster lasting love through intentional effort and spiritual growth. Don’t miss the chance to connect and get the real keys to a thriving relationship God and your future spouse!
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